ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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