I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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