jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
