This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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