walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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