The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i drank out of a bidet.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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