Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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