dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
