Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
