You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
