Someone shit on the floor
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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