you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
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