If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
