hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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