Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
