He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize