dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
