So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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