haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
even my farts smell like vagina
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
