I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
