I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
