I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
