I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
You ruined the universe
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
