i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
