well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
