maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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