i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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