my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
