getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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