Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
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Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
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You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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