his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
