I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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