Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
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And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
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The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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