Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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