And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
