I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
