Jerry, you need to find god
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
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Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
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I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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