Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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