I wannas sexs uuuuu
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
