I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I just had sex on a roof
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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