I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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