He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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