do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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