the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
