Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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