Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
