i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
