She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
