I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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