girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
