Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
