I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
