Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
