She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
