the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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