Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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