I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
