Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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