He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
