Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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