I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
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