I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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