ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
