She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
it's like iHOP with fire
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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