I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Is Oprah even human
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
