I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
