so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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