i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
As shirtless as possible
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
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